Oh, the irony! On Thanksgiving Day, HBO Max introduced again one thing we’re very a lot not grateful for – three extra episodes of the raunchy, graphic, and perverted Gossip Girl reboot. This time the present managed to combine Christianity with its smut, that includes a threesome in a chapel in entrance of a crucifix and a principal character’s homosexual dad courting a reverend.

In episode 7, “As soon as Upon a Time within the Higher West,” Audrey (Emily Alyn Lind) and her boyfriend Aki (Evan Mock) are having intercourse of their non-public highschool’s chapel, however they haven’t been in a position to really feel very aroused with one another ever since having a threesome with their extraordinarily promiscuous and bisexual good friend Max (Thomas Doherty).

Audrey complains about the best way Aki is taking a look at her, however Aki replies, as Jesus on the crucifix is clearly in his sight, “It’s both eye contact with you or Jesus, and He doesn’t appear into this.” After making an attempt totally different positions with out success, they find yourself inviting Max to the chapel to assist them and one other threesome ensues. Because the three are mendacity bare on the ground after they end, Max factors up on the ceiling and remarks, “We gotta clear that up earlier than stained glass takes on an entire new which means.” Gross.

 

Episode 9, “Blackberry Narcissus” featured a scene the place Max comes residence to search out one in all his homosexual fathers, Gideon (Todd Almond), having drinks with a reverend named Raul who’s his latest love curiosity. Max’s different father Roy (John Benjamin Hickey) left Gideon as a result of he was changing into increasingly female, however he has since expressed a want to reconcile. Max just isn’t solely upset that Gideon is courting different folks, however Max additionally factors out that he himself has been with 70% of “that demographic,” so they may have ended up sleeping with the identical man:

Gideon: Max! I believed you delivered for God’s Love on Fridays.

Max: No, I rescheduled.

Gideon: That is Raul.

Max: Do you two work collectively?

Gideon: Not but. Raul is a brand new good friend. We, uh… We had lunch.

Max: And now you are having drinks.

Gideon: Would you excuse us for a second?

Raul: After all. I will seize some water. Good to satisfy you, Max.

Max: Hmm. Who the fuck is that?

Gideon: You recognize precisely who that’s, Max.

Max: Fortunately, I do not. As a result of on this metropolis, in that demographic, there is a 70 % likelihood that I might have, after which how would you’ve gotten felt about that?

Gideon: Raul is a good friend. Nothing extra. For now.

Max: So, is that this what being on a distinct path than Pops means? Does he know you are on this path? Do… Do you assume that try to be on this path?

Gideon: You recognize that your dad and I are presently not collectively.

Max: Sure, however I didn’t assume that it will be you pursuing a brand new future, both.

Gideon: He and I’ve agreed to see different folks.

Max: You have not even given Pops an opportunity to make issues proper.

Gideon: No, honey. No. This is not one thing to make proper. Some folks keep their complete lives collectively in that uncomfortable place, and… your dad and I, we’re not going to try this to 1 one other.

Max: I see that.

Gideon: You do not have to depart. Uh… Raul and I can go.

Max: No, no, no, no, no. Don’t be concerned. The home is yours.

Roy: Hey, there.

Max: Do you know that Dad’s seeing somebody?

Roy: He is allowed to do no matter he desires, Max. I solely requested that I not be advised about it. And now I’ve been.

Max: Pops, I am actually fucking this all up.

Roy: It was already fucked up, son.

Effectively, Gossip Lady, this bigotry and perversion are killing us. However you bought one factor proper. It was already… we’ll say “messed” as much as put it in milder language. The truth is, this complete present has been tousled. One can solely hope HBO Max will divorce itself from this horrible kiddie porn reboot, particularly for the sake of its focused demographic viewers – underage teenagers.